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Entries in Jokes (2)


New Jokes

I wrote jokes that are not funny enough to tell on stage. I would like to share them with you.

"My guy friends are avoiding me because I like to hug them, but only from behind."

I love to read but I hate doing it in public. Peolple always want to talk to me.


-Hey man are you Ok?

-Yeah I'm fine! Can't a guy read Chicken Soup For The Sensitive Flat Feet Man in peace?

"I love not not talking in double negatives"

"Reading depress Tupac lyrics alone in the dark with no flash light is not a hobby, its a way of life."



Thats all for today.

Random P.S

I want to give a shout out to Joodie Sweetin from Full House. I was watching random youtube video last night and she just pop up. Joodie Sweetin is like the cute girl next door who grew up, turned super hot, then trashy, then finally mellowing out.



Old Jokes

I’m getting very tired of my act—it’s not like I don’t write every day, it’s just that writing material takes so damn long. I’m trying to find a way to speed up the process, so I think retiring some of my current jokes will do just that. Here are some of my jokes I will never say again:
    •    My ex-girlfriend traumatizes me. I can’t even go into a theme park anymore because it reminds me too much of her.
Every time we have sex I had to wait in line.
 Once I got sunburn.
This guy cut in front of me - he had a season pass.

    •    My mother is over protective— too over protective.  The first time I had sex she was holding my hand. It was awkward. I was like:
Mom you are embarrassing me in front of the hooker,
This is the worse birthday present ever!
 Never bring me back to Chucky Cheese!

    •    Aids is like talent.  Either you got it or you don’t